“ I cannot think of anything more important than us dedicating time and energy to making sense of this crazy, beautiful journey called life. Together.”

“ I cannot think of anything more important than us dedicating time and energy to making sense of this crazy, beautiful journey called life. Together.”

I want to remember that is was all real, that we happened, that we were here, that we mattered.

Sharing ideas of mindfulness, compassion and gratitude through a marriage of personal practice and professional expertise.

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July 2, 2018

41

As I enter into my 41st year, I felt a sudden desire to return here to my blog and write. It has been awhile. I have shared poems and other words on social media, and a few here as well. But, it has been some time since I have sat down to reflect, write out

Instagram

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What if there are no answers?
Only living the questions
in midnight moments—
gazing up at the moon,
breathing in, breathing out.
Finding the beauty in
looking, together—
at the hints hidden
in morning coffee
and words on the page.
Perhaps answers become
dead ends, while asking
opens us wider and deeper,
until there is no more distance
between you and me
known and unknown
beginning and end.

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It was truly a transformative experience to bring individuals from all around the country together for the “Relaxing Into Resilience” retreat with @themhcollective and @caycehowe. These curious and courageous individuals took three days out of their busy lives to pause, slow down, and explore, learn, and practice the intersections of mindfulness and creativity. We meditated, wrote, reflected, painted, ate, and walked, while cultivating a deeper sense of presence and self awareness. My favorite memory was our mindful group walk around the labyrinth under a sky full of moonlight and stars—beautiful and haunting as one participant so accurately described the moment. I am proud to be a part of the path for those who joined us, and hopefully many more in the future. Thank you @miravalresorts for providing a peaceful space for our retreat to unfold.

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What I needed to know then,
and what I need to know now—
is that bringing a human
into this world
makes me no less human myself.
No less in need of my own
safety, kindness, patience.
No less in need of
food, water, sleep.
No less in need of a
good cry in the shower,
the water finding its way
down a body trying to find
itself again.
No less in need of a run
under the open sky,
one full breath,
a moment of grace,
and permission
to still be me.
What I needed to know then,
and what I need to know now,
is that being a mother
sometimes means kneeling
at my own altar,
respecting the wishes and wants
of this body, mind and spirit,
before I can serve anyone else—
including my children—
with true devotion.
*****
A poem inspired by the amazing #momsneedtoknow campaign by @poojalakshminmd, as well as the #chooseselflove campaign by @randdiabmd

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Today was a day
of sleeping in
and a long afternoon nap.
Dark chocolate,
Peanut butter out of the jar,
pajamas all day,
watching a bird balance
atop a swaying tree.
A day of slowing the blur
of busy, of pressure, of noise
to do more and be more.
A day of listening hard,
of attending to
small, ordinary beauty.
A day of making contact
with one breath
and the next,
eye to eye,
skin to skin.
A day of remembering
how much I have missed
being human,
how much I have missed
me
and
you.

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I can’t believe the day is finally here—I am beyond thrilled to put my book, “Salve: Words for the Journey” out into the world. My vision and inspiration for this book comes from one source—my patients. I had a clear dream of wanting to offer a book of words that could provide hope, connection, and solace to my patients in between their appointments or during times of need. I wrote “Salve” for them, and for all of those people who may never step foot into the office of a psychiatrist or therapist. I know I have been blessed with so much wisdom and comfort from the ubiquitous books in my bag and on my nightstand. I hope this book offers the same for those who read it. I am grateful for my publishing company, Pager Publications, whose sole mission is to support physician writer voices. Thank you also to my brilliant editor @jenaschwartz, as well as @caycehowe for your foreword, and @nwestmoss for your gracious review on my back cover. For once, words cannot express what I feel, and what this book means to me. Thank you for everyone who has believed in my voice, and encouraged me to keep going. (Link to book in bio, available on lulu, amazon, and google books 💗) PC Mike Robertson photography

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A note to my patients and all of those who are struggling: On #worldmentalhealthday, my wish for you is this: that you know you are needed here, always—not because of your brains or beauty or contributions, but because your very presence is a miracle. Because every tiny, ordinary gesture of yours is an act of devotion when offered with your clear heart. Because the world wouldn’t be the same without your voice and the unique light that only your soul can shine. I hope you know that I am grateful you are here, and that I am inspired and changed by you. I hope you know that mental health is something we can practice and grow in every single moment, that mental illness is treatable, and that you are worthy of living your best life. Above all, know that you are never alone, and that we will make our way through moments of both impermanent joy and suffering, together.

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The other day, a patient told me that, recently, it is difficult for him to feel completely at ease...that nowhere feels like home. His words have settled into my bones since then—I think many of us recognize that feeling of foreign-ness, of discomfort. Where is home for you? With whom do you feel completely at ease? These are complex questions I have realized, and over time, I find that home and belonging exist more within me than outside of me. I create home when I listen closely to my heart, when i find the balance of rest and activity, when I am gentle with myself and others, when I take care of my body, when I read and write, when I look for beauty. I create a sense of belonging and ease in my own internal dialogue and path towards self acceptance. Sometimes ease comes from those I am with, but if i am not comfortable in my own body and heart, I rarely find ease in others. Sometimes home looks like markers and slime and card games and unopened mail, because it’s a messiness that I own and choose. The other question that has been simmering since this conversation with my patient—how do I create a sense of ease for those who come into my world? We can co-create home for one another, if we hold space for everyone to belong, exactly as they are. This is definitely something I strive to do in my office, but more and more practice bringing into small daily moments and interactions with others.

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I used to ask myself questions
like how I could reach
the next goal—
land that job,
lose ten pounds,
get the highest grade—
you know the drill.
Now, the questions are
a little more musical,
and perhaps the ones
I needed to ask all along.
How can I love harder?
How can I let you see me?
How can I fail more?
I am learning.
Asking the right questions
helps me live the right life.

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Perhaps it was a busy week, perhaps it was considering some new work opportunities coming my way, perhaps it was several conversations that unfolded this week around women and ambition and desire and how we find our center in the midst of it all. All of those hectic moments leading me to a quiet Saturday morning of sleeping in, watching the cat watch the clouds, feeling my breath, and following my instinct to do analogue things with my body. Write in a journal. Wash the dishes. Color. Hug my children. Read a book. Walk, slowly. In the pull of fall, I find it harder to balance my desire to grow and contribute, with my desire to be still, create, notice, tend. I am noticing what my heart wants to say yes to right now, which is often in conflict with how I am scheduling my life and my time. I am noticing the self critical voices that tell me i should be doing and achieving more, while intuitively I seek moments of solitude or deep connection and real conversation. Every minute offers us an opportunity to make a choice—what do we want to say yes to, what do we want to say no to, what is worthy of deeper exploration and risk? We can only ask these questions of ourselves in safe spaces free of judgment and full of truth. Perhaps the awareness that unfolds in the asking is even more important than the answers themselves.

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