Blog

41

As I enter into my 41st year, I felt a sudden desire to return here to my blog and write.  It has been awhile.  I have shared poems and other words on social media, and a few here as well.  But, it has been some time since I have sat down to reflect, write out

Hold On

For you whose light has been dimmed in an already dark world— For you whose voice has been muted in a loud screaming world— For you who feels lost in a world full of mirrors— Breathe. When every warm body is out of reach, you have the power to hold your own heart with a

Waking Up

Holding hands in the dark, the wash of moonlight spilling onto the sheets. A kiss on my cheek and a hug that lingers long enough to feel the solid warmth of skin and bone. The breath of a sunset sky, and the heat of thunder and lightning pouring cleansing waters from above. A singular burgundy

Reflections On Gratitude

With Thanksgiving around the corner, gratitude is in the air.  Gratitude is of course a wonderful thing.  It is one of those “life hacks” that reminds us how fortunate we are, and connects us more quickly to a sense of joy. And yet, to be honest, I struggle with gratitude sometimes.  I have tried all

The Box

And I sit here staring at the empty screen and the words simply don’t come out. They litter the floor of this box that surrounds me head to toe side to side bottom to top. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good box that has served me well. This box keeps me smart trustworthy successful

Insomnia

It is 10 pm on a Wednesday night as I sit down at my laptop to check in with each and every one of you.  The sights and sounds of the evening are settled around me.  I write at the kitchen table, an orange bucket of mini halloween candy sitting right in front of me

When We Can’t Fix

Today, I was sitting with a group of first year medical students, and we were talking about loss.  Specifically, how to be with dying patients and their families.  We were discussing the situation of one man’s catastrophic grief:  the death of his entire family in a car accident.  What could we, as physicians, do in

Breathing The Air

We sit together like this every week, him and I, and talk about it all. It has been almost eight years now since life fell apart for him, a slow motion and steady devastation. Hour by hour, we seek to understand, together, always together, the needle that went in his arm, the fall from grace,

About Last Night

Lately when I sit down to write, I feel a compelling desire to ground myself.  I write something that often begins like this:  “It is 10:02 pm on Thursday night in Southern California.  I am sitting at my desk, the house around me quiet…” I wonder why there is such a need within me right

Breathless

On a recent family vacation to Disney World, I found myself sitting in a black motorcycle seat, pressed forward against a chest restraint, legs locked into place, about to enter into the motion simulated, virtual reality world of an Avatar ride.  I am generally apprehensive about any ride that makes me feel terrified or motion

The Sun And Moon

There is a 6:15 am sunrise trying to climb above dark green mountains. The pale light starts to wake a sleepy sky, and creates glowing patches across my morning coffee. I want to trust in whatever makes the sun rise today and every day. I want to believe in the moon that knows to hang

Back To School

As I write this, I am sitting on my bed, around 9:30 pm on Monday night, Labor Day.  The house is restless with all sorts of end-of-summer feelings.  Tomorrow is the start of fifth and fourth grade, as well as my daughter’s eleventh birthday. We are woefully unprepared for school.  The backpacks lay in the

Grounding

Dear friends, I wanted to share a few words that I had scribbled down in my journal last week.  I was traveling to San Francisco, and I found myself in my head, ruminating about various events from the past and future.  I am sure you have found yourself there too, at one time or another.

Toast And Coffee

She told me once that her depression was a howl with no end. And in her words, I could see the aching scream, moving like restless wind, rustling the leaves, leaving the night world uneasy and full of a dark distrust. Why wasn’t it okay, she wanted to know, to have no clue what she wanted

Fooling Around

When I first started my blog a couple of years ago, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.  My initial vision was to share a few brief thoughts that might help my readers bring a bit more mindfulness into their lives.  What actually evolved as I started writing was something I never could have

Where I Don’t Belong

In today’s installment of what’s beautiful, I only first found what was broken, until I caught a fleeting glimpse of what laid beneath. My son’s hair a rat’s nest, but shining through were those mischievous chocolate eyes. My daughter sitting on the car seat, a tired and irritable mess of not wanting to go to camp,

Red Lipstick and the Quest For Perfection

“You awake? :)))” “Yes!” “Do you have the energy for me to unload some of my crazy on you? :)))” “Yes!” And so our text exchange began, the type of long drawn out texting that unfolds late at night, when there is so much to release, and kids’ perky ears still awake and within earshot.

Fragile

In a different life, I took scalpel to skin, cut through fibrous layers of muscle and fascia to the very deepest core of our biology, in bodies dead and alive. I have held a heart in my own hand, felt its indescribable pulsating power. I have witnessed the first cries of a baby being born,