I wanted to share a few words that I had scribbled down in my journal last week. I was traveling to San Francisco, and I found myself in my head, ruminating about various events from the past and future. I am sure you have found yourself there too, at one time or another. It is a difficult feeling, a sense of being trapped in one’s mind, out of control, chewing over things that have happened, will happen, or may never happen…all the while missing the moment unfolding within and around us.
Thankfully, sometimes the very act of putting pen to paper, the tactile sensation of writing, in and of itself is grounding for me. I wanted to share with you the words that came to me, in case they resonate with you.
“Dropping completely and profoundly into wonder, into the many layers of just this moment, means both knowing and not knowing. Knowing that all there is to feel and experience that is real, is right here, right now. And yet, simultaneously, resting so completely in the here and now, means resting in an uncertain un-knowing of all that came before, and all that will come after. Releasing things that feel real but maybe aren’t. Somehow, being present, wholeheartedly, in just this second, feels easy and hard all at once.”
This is what mindfulness feels like to me sometimes. Yes, there is great respite in staying close to the fraction of space and time that we are occupying, the only moment that can be lived. Many times, despite all of our worries and fears and losses, in the present, we will discover that we are okay. Whatever we are feeling, we are making our way through. And yet, it can also feel frightening, un-grounding, to release the stories of the past and future that somehow define who we are.
There is no particular question or problem here to be solved. Just me, reaching out to you, and sharing the beautiful and difficult journey towards the present. Asking together, learning together, listening together. If you sometimes find yourself lost, you are not alone. You are not doing anything wrong. Whether or not we see or touch each other, we are all on the same path.
With gratitude, Monisha